Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
