You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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