i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
