So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
