i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
