I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
