Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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