I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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