Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
