as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
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