What a fucking waste of an outfit
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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