Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
