omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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