I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
