Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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