Texts From Last Night

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  (917): View more from New York City

  And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.

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  (917) And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater. http://tfl.nu/gzmt
  Replies (2) Good night (1170) Bad night (652)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad

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  (201): he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad http://tfl.nu/jzas
  Replies (40) Good night (811) Bad night (4354)
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.

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  (864): We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us. http://tfl.nu/xmtc
  Replies (20) Good night (1135) Bad night (6222)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...

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  (617): Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh... http://tfl.nu/to9x
  Replies (16) Good night (4774) Bad night (1109)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea

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  (920): Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea http://tfl.nu/0m14
  Replies (3) Good night (2396) Bad night (1192)
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  (544): View more from

  I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.

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  (544): I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling. http://tfl.nu/vpgy
  Replies (10) Good night (1811) Bad night (884)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  I told you those kegels would come in handy one day

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  (303): If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina (401): I told you those kegels would come in handy one day http://tfl.nu/ed4f
  Replies (22) Good night (2487) Bad night (710)
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  (281): View more from Texas

  Dinner?

  (713): View more from Texas

  YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!

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  (281): Dinner? (713): YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!! http://tfl.nu/zi0g
  Replies (2) Good night (1659) Bad night (628)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us

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  (954): stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us http://tfl.nu/1h6z
  Replies (3) Good night (2060) Bad night (643)
• Favorite

  (204): View more from Manitoba

  Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.

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  (204): Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small. http://tfl.nu/6zla
  Replies (3) Good night (1020) Bad night (794)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.

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  (201): Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus. http://tfl.nu/06dr
  Replies (4) Good night (822) Bad night (503)
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.

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  (302): Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos. http://tfl.nu/r9f5
  Replies (1) Good night (614) Bad night (346)
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.

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  (573): The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is. http://tfl.nu/harz
  Replies (0) Good night (455) Bad night (498)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....

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  (519): She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state.... http://tfl.nu/87m9
  Replies (1) Good night (747) Bad night (226)
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE

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  (267): WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE http://tfl.nu/putr
  Replies (1) Good night (252) Bad night (188)

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