Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away