yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
