I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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