I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
he thought i was a dude.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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