Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Small penises have feelings too.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
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you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
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I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife