she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Randomize
