OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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