that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
