Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Randomize
