Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
