And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize