ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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