I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
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