ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
