"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
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he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
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I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
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