You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
What a dumb baby whore.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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