Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
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you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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