man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
My vagina is very pro this idea
Randomize
