your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
