Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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