You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
