You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
