I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
