Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
