Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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