Betty ford says i'm here all night
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Randomize
