he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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