Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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