I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize