I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
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So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
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She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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