I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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