What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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