She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
