Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize