if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
