I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
be right there i have to get my cape
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
