If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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