You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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