ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
