I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
