yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
