I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
