Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
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