Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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