After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
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decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
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I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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