I want to stick my p in your. b.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
