So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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