You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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