He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
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He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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