O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Randomize
