You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
