i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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