I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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