my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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