So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
