I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
