dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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