Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
