You're a womanizer and a bitch.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
