he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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