If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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