I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
