Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
