I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
