Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
