look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
