I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
